Rape/ptsd/shame and sex - how to deal:

Anonymous asked: Hello :) I see your posts in my dashboard a lot and I have a question for you. I was also abused extensively as a child, although I am not as able to talk about it yet, and I also have an eating disorder, anxiety disorder, depression, and PTSD (all officially diagnosed; not self-diagnosis). If you are willing to answer…have you ever had consensual sex? How did you deal with a) not being triggered into having flashbacks and b) being willing to show another person that much of your body?

I have, thankfully had consensual sex many times. I’m in a long term relationship with a wonderful partner. 

a) flashbacks DO happen.      The more you trust the person, the less often they happen, tough. Especially if you have had a chance to witness your partner being supportive when flashbacks happen during sex, it gets easier to prevent them, and to ask your partner to stop when you need them to. The more you learn that you’re allowed to say no, the more often you will, and the less afraid you’ll feel.

b) That takes time.      First I like to build all kinds of trust and love. I show a new partner my body very gradually over time. You can start by making love in the dark, or mostly clothed. Just explain to your partner why you prefer it and that it may take time.

Bottom line, take your time and don’t let anyone pressure you regarding anything sexual, even yourself. By remembering that your body is yours and you have the right to speak, you reassure yourself and diminish your symptoms.