September 2012
75 posts
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PURTLE! ("How I held on to my humanity")
[Trigger warning, severe - rape, anal, violence] When I was a kid, we were that upper-middle-class, perfect, fancy family. We smiled big, our hair was perfect and no one was EVER allowed to suspect in the slightest that we were beaten, incested child prostitutes. That meant we had to look and sound the part.
At around 9, I wasn’t allowed to say how I felt, or what I was thinking ever. I...
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“Depression is not selfish. Anxiety is not rude. Schizophrenia is not wrong....”
August 2012
86 posts
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Flashbacks -
Me: Yay, I'm finally all done with having so many horrifying flashbacks, because nothing could be worse than the last few!
Brain: Actually, this could - *FLASHBACK*
Me: Oh my god. Okay, I can deal with this. This happened, too, okay. At least that's all.
Brain: NOPE. Here's a whole new chapter. *FLASHBACKS*
Me: What? But, I couldn't handle what I already had and... okay. Well thank GOD I'm done now.
Brain: Hahaha - *BLAM- FLASHBACK, FLASHBACK, FLASHBACK*
Me: *has panic attack* Oh my god. Oh my god. Please, please tell me this is all.
Brain: ...................
Me: Oh god, you're kidding me.
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luseji-recovering:
I can’t starve my problems away I can’t starve my problems away I can’t starve my problems away I can’t starve my problems away I can’t starve my problems away I can’t starve my problems away I can’t starve my problems away I can’t starve my problems away I can’t starve my problems away I can’t starve my problems away I can’t starve my problems away
I can’t starve my problems...
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Anxiety and (NOT) sleeping!
One side effect from the trauma of having childhood prostitution flashbacks each day is a profound impact on my sleep cycle.
If I stayed up until 6am crying, I’m obviously not likely to wake up at 8. And it takes even longer to get to sleep because of memories of lying in my bed bringing up even more trauma. And when I wake up later in the morning, it’s later into that night before...
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callmemartyr recommended these lyrics to me because She said they reminded me of her. They made me cry and were so pertinent. I’ve highlighted the ones that struck me.
[[MORE]]
She’s the kind of lady that calls everybody baby honey, sugar, sweetie, she’s always making friends and she keeps us all locked outside her thick leather skin she always starts with a smile,...
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Rihanna and Chris Brown
The problem w/ Rihanna’s apologetic tone is it gives enablers an opening to pardon Chris Brown, who has been treated w/ kid gloves by the judicial system and most of the media. Rihanna needs to know that a man who beats you once will do it again. And Brown needs to be truly repentant before he’s so easily forgiven.
WRONG. Based on the fact that none of the many, many studies has ever...
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“It was just so much simpler in the days when the legality of intercourse was...”
– I’m sorry, um… WHAT!? Let’s just decode this statement. “Isn’t it sad that we have to worry about whether or not a woman feels like having sex and consents, when we used to just be able to use her after we’d signed a document stating she belonged to us? What a...
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Amen
atlmalcontent:
Rihanna confessed to Oprah Winfrey that she still loves Chris Brown. Idiot! Now it’s MY turn to slap her.
Loving someone you’ve have had a deep, intimate relationship with is natural. That love does not magically melt away the instant the person abuses you for the first time.
Calling someone out on being “stupid” because they dealt with an experience you...
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I’ve had 3 hours of sleep in the last 48+ hours. The adrenaline from these flashbacks is beginning to wear on me. I don’t know when the next time I’ll be able to sleep is, but I’m afraid it maybe a long while yet… =/
(Likes and reblogs accepted as support)
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“Is it weird when I’m surprised when people are shocked that there are...”
– ~ a brilliant fellow survivor
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How to help avoid creating triggers or...
(The following was a response to one my posts. It is quequixote’s original content.) okay listen up, i hear a lot of people say they have trouble reading other people’s faces/voices, but you will know if you’re upsetting someone. the following things suggest that you have asked a question that they don’t want to talk about:
they break eye contact, especially looking down. looking up is less...
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rescueeffect asked: How did you become an expert witness for domestic violence court cases?
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saintblaise-deactivated20120906 asked: I just read your story. First off, let me say how sorry I am for what happened to you, and that I admire how far you have gotten yourself thus far. After reading your FAQ, have you ever talked to a lawyer concerning the statute of limitations and your specific case? It sickens me to think that these people are still out there and that other children may be experiencing the same things.
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I just read your story and I cried oceans. I know you probably hate sympathy, because I have honestly no idea what you’ve gone through, I’m so sorry you went through that and even though we don’t know each other, I’d switch places with you any day just so you’d have a better child hood. I understand you still have things to go through every day, but I’m so happy...
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ME: *searches “abuse” on tumblr*
ME: *searches “rape” on tumblr*
ME:
ME:
ME:
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fromonesurvivortoanother asked: i didn't know you had dyslexia problems. do you still/how has that affected your life (in general and related to child sexual abuse)? have you ever thought about seeing a specialist in dyslexia to work on improving your reading/writing skills?
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Run? Run where?
A question I get regularly is, “Why didn’t you run?” Actually, I did.
When I was around 8, I was allowed to ride my bike home from school for the first time. There were always men waiting to exchange money for raping me, and that day I couldn’t take it anymore. I just kept peddling and peddling. I didn’t know where I was going, but I wasn’t going to stop. After...
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“I admit it. I have been broken. Broken in every way. But I absolutely refuse to...”
– ~child sex trafficking survivor
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saboobnah said: (in response to my most recent music post) This is really good. Did you ever take piano lessons?
Thank you! I’m afraid the abuse and the severe dylexia prevented me from taking any kind of lessons/training. But that doesn’t sop me from expressing myself as best I can!
I may not know the names of the names of the notes, but I know that I feel better when I play them!...
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tailypo-tailypo asked: I just read your post about question triggers. Being a survivor myself, I never want to trigger anyone. And I know everyone has different triggers that are sometimes unpredictable (like me and arizona tea). I'm just wondering if there are alternative questions you would suggest to ask instead in order to get to know people without triggering them. Thanks!
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idontholdmybreath:
Wake up always with the question….. why me….why me…..
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How to tell if you're about to say something...
If you’re going to start your sentence or conversation with any of the following, be careful - these may indicate that you are about to blame the victim or aren’t being a supportive friend.
“Why didn’t you just…”
It almost doesn’t matter what you say next. There is not “JUST” in being assaulted, molested or raped. If it was simple to...
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BLOCK PEOPLE
Today’s public service announcement is: BLOCK PEOPLE.
Tumblr.com/block will allow you to block anyone from people harassing you to people posting pornography on tags like #abuse and #rape.
That way, you’ll never see their triggering or offensive posts again. If someone is particularly out of line, don’t forget to click the “harassment” link to report them. Once a...
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Your Story..
My friend showed me your page. It’s a powerful story, and such a strong way you’ve managed to hold your head high and tell it. I know most people in your position wouldn’t have done the same. I know that you probably get told everyday that you are strong, beautiful, amazing, inspirational. Ect. I personally didn’t want to give you the same story everyone else did. I mean ,...
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Easiest thing you can do to help Child...
Proposition 35 would do the following things to end human trafficking:
Those found guilty of human trafficking would face increased prison sentences and fines.
The money collected from those fines will now go to help victims and train law enforcement in how to handle domestic violence and trafficking.
Child prostitutors would have to register as sex offenders.
Victims would be able to use...
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Surprisingly triggering things you say every day -
As a child trafficking victim/domestic violence specialist, I know a lot about triggers and how easy they are to cause. If you’re not sure what someone’s background is, my advice would be, don’t assume anything. These are just a few of the innocent-sounding questions that make some people fear talking to anyone because of the flashbacks and pain they create:
Where did you grow...
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[TW] Raped for being pretty, raped for being ugly.
[Very mild Triggers: mention of rape and blame] Most survivors seem to be told one of two things. Either they are getting raped for looking good/being good or they are getting raped for looking bad/acting bad.
These may sound like opposites, but they work in exactly the same way. They attach the blame for being raped to you. It’s not that someone raped you, it’s how you look....
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koreantroncat asked: Where are you from ?
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“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the...”
– Princess Diana (via womenorgnow)
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Feminists don’t think all men are rapists. Rapists...
bubbsnugg:
“6% of college age men, slightly over 1 in 20, will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word “rape” isn’t used in the description of the act……Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind...
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An 8-year-old's question- Can you be the one that... →
aharmoniousmedley:
Lemonade stand helping to end human trafficking. Awesome.
“Ghandi was one person, Mother Theresa was one person, Martin Luthor King was one person. Why can’t you be one person who helps?” ~brilliant 8 year old child
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negress-of-doom:
Rape apologist need to go away. I don’t care if it’s a real life rape or if it’s on tv. I don’t care that the rapist is a “good person”. I don’t care if it was only attempted (because that makes ALL the difference apparently). I don’t care if it’s a preacher, a priest, a doctor, a lawyer. I don’t care if they give to charity or if they feed the homeless. They could...
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“=„,( =„,( =„,(”
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FACT: BOYS & MEN GET TRAFFICKED TOO
dontsellbodies:
Nobody is immune. Never forget that.
Every victim, every survivor deserves our support, our respect and our attention.
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If all crime victims were treated like rape...
The law discriminates against rape victims in a manner which would not be tolerated by victims of any other crime. In the following example, a holdup victim is asked questions similar in form to those usually asked a victim of rape.
“Mr. Smith, you were held up at gunpoint on the corner of 16th and Locust?” “Yes.” “Did you struggle with the robber?” “No.” “Why not?” “He was armed.” “Then you...
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How to help child prostitutes, everyday~
I came upon your story by accident. I don’t even really know how. I am a 20-year-old male living in the US. Your story has made me weep and weep for you and your sister. I am incredibly passionate about the safety of children because I hope one day that I may adopt. You are an incredibly strong human being. Thank you for being so brave. Are there any ways that I can speak out and help the...
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ofrabbits asked: I came upon your story by accident. I don't even really know how. I am a 20-year-old male living in the US. Your story has made me weep and weep for you and your sister. I am incredibly passionate about the safety of children because I hope one day that I may adopt. You are an incredibly strong human being. Thank you for being so brave. Are there any ways that I can speak out and help the...