December 2011
18 posts
16 tags
How to fight low self-esteem
Because low self esteem is so common, especially among survivors, I thought I’d take a moment to address the topic. We all know how important self-esteem is. A person’s self-image is how they see themselves, and it effects every aspect of functioning. People are programmed to cling to their self-image and ignore evidence that disagrees with it. When a person has an accurate self...
November 2011
102 posts
12 tags
Does your father still talk to you? If so, what do...
todaywillbebetter-iswear asked: Does your father still talk to you? If so, what do you say? No, thank God. I stopped speaking to him at 19. I had the information about the rapes too repressed to think about it, but when he hit me in front of my ex, it was the excuse I needed to stop speaking to him. I get the occasional email from “my mom” (who I privately refer to by her first name),...
9 tags
Teey55 asked: Is it normal that sometimes when a guy even slightly touches me or comes close to it i flinch? Good question, and one I know many of my readers can relate to! If you have been raped or abused, it is surprisingly normal. Many people who are hurt, especially sexually, begin to associate everything that reminds them of being raped or abused with pain. If you were raped on a...
18 tags
Ask a former child prostitute
The letters I get usually begin with things like “I haven’t written to you before because I was afraid to offend you…” and I wanted to let my followers know - I am okay with questions. I have experienced nearly every kind of abuse, and I also have a bachelor’s degree in sociology and am a certified domestic violence advocate, so I should be qualified to answer most...
8 tags
How to help a suicidal friend
Today’s topic is a tough one: how do you respond when a friend tells you’re they’re thinking of suicide? There’s no one right answer for every person, but I can lay out a few guidelines in case you ever need to help someone suicidal. First - keep them talking. If someone talks to you about suicide, that’s a big step. Mostly listen, but keep asking prompting questions...
14 tags
Suicide Warning Signs
Anonymous asked: Hi :) I was wondering if you could talk about the signs of suicide intent? I can’t help but feel like my friend is becoming more depressed and pulling away… If she is, is there anything I can do/say to stop her? Oh and could you keep this anon, might be a bit weird for her. But I need help. Thanks! Sure, I’d be happy to talk about that for you! A suicidal person...
15 tags
Giving... thanks?
Take a moment to imagine Thanksgiving in my life. When you were prostituted as a child, you can’t very well go to your rapists and pimps to spend the holidays. And when you’re left so afraid of people that you can barely leave your house, you can’t even tag along on a friend’s thanksgiving. You have to leave the house and deal with strangers and men in order to have...
22 tags
My "breathing privileges"
This morning I remembered something my dad would always say while raping me or prostituting me to other men. When my grandfather was raping me anally, for instance, I would make whining noises or even occasionally scream, and my dad would say “If you’re going to make noise with the air in your lungs, you don’t deserve to breathe. I’m revoking your breathing...
19 tags
Being 9 years old
When I was 9, we moved to a house where my bedroom was right across from my parents’. I remember my dad coming to rape me and beat me maybe twice as often as in the previous house, probably because he was just lazy and my room was closer than my sister’s.
He kept telling me all I was good for was being prostituted to men and sucking him off. He told me he was going to give me up to...
19 tags
Memories of Alcatraz
New rape trauma memory this morning. Not very graphic today. When our family went to San Fransisco on vacation, I wanted to go to Alcatraz, but my dad didn’t want to go. My mom decided to make us go (I have no idea why she wanted to go) and my dad was angry about it. So the morning we went, he sent my mom and sister on an errand, and kept me in the hotel, raping me and beating me brutally....
hhyperphagia asked: You are incredibly, incredibly brave and for that I admire you. Quick questions: are you currently able to function (work, daily activities etc.)? Are you under the care of a psychiatrist? Are you on any medication? And how do you resist your suicidal urges? Again, thanks for all the help you're providing on here.
6 tags
SURVIVOR POLL: When did you first tell someone about the abuse? Have you told anyone yet?
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"The abuse was my fault!"
I’d like to take a moment to address blame. Abuse is painful, and seeking relief is natural. Abusers typically use this to tell the victim it was his or her fault. For instance, a child who knows abuse is imminent may provoke or “request” that the abuser rape sooner, just to get it done with. The child knows when they do this that they are doing it because they don’t like...
hhyperphagia asked: How do you feel about the theory of abuse being instigated by abuse versus psychopathy? Personally, I feel that no matter how horrifically a person is abused it doesn't necessarily mean they will go on to abuse others - you are living proof of that. I just feel that there has to be something inherently wrong with these people to derive pleasure from hurting others. Just wondered if you had...
18 tags
This is torture.
Trigger for physical abuse and sex abuse, and while the abuse in the post is strong, I think much of it is so different from typical abuse that it may make it less triggering for most people. Psychopaths are real. Not all of them end up on TV as serial murderers. Some of them adopt kids to keep and torture as slaves right here in the US. I was one of those kids. I will not be silent.
I remember...
10 tags
Anonymous asked:
I’ve just read through about 20 pages of you blog and you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever seen. I need some help, if that’s okay? I have a friend who is in a horrible abusive relationship. I’m desperate to try to help her, but she’s completely in denial. She thinks that this is how loving relationships are supposed to be. I’m not...
11 tags
Tell a Friend Tuesday
If you know someone who might be inspired or helped by my experiences, point them my way. I could always use more positive people as followers.
heartsofsandscrapbook asked: I just wanted to say I've been reading for a while, and I think the new name is perfect for you. You're truly rising out of a terrible situation and helping others do so too. Keep fighting x
"Normal" reactions to being molested
Trigger: incest, sexual assault, molestation, rape. Moderate trigger, but may bring up feelings related to guilt.
I remembered another new aspect to the rapes from my father. He sometimes forced oral sex on me. Usually this was just for a 30 second period in between other types of abuse, but he would tell me it meant we were having mutual sex and things were balanced. He said it meant I...
liightsplease asked: Ive been reading your blog for a while now, and I find it incredible how strong you are and how you manage to deal with the situations you've come across. I am so sorry that this is what you've gone through, and to be honest with you I cannot relate, but I know that what makes you so impressive as a person, is your refusal to give up. please stay strong, and don't let your father...
11 tags
Writer's corner
Dear readers; I’ve been receiving so much positive mail lately, I wanted to take a minute to personally thank you. I read each one and they all mean the world, and, although I often don’t feel up for dwelling on the topic long enough to respond to each letter, I want you to know your support is very real to me. One guy (who assured me he was large) offered to beat my dad up for...
9 tags
Reader's Story
Anonymous said:
Oh my god. I found your blog today, and I just… I don’t want to seem creepy, but I just want to hug you. You are brave, and inspiring, and I’m certain you are beautiful. No human being should ever have to experience what you have experienced, and the fact that you are here, writing, proves that you are a force to be reckoned with.
Your blog has inspired me to share my own...
13 tags
Healing from rape
When someone is raped, there are a series of natural responses, clinically referred to as post traumatic stress disorder. It happens to nearly everyone who has been raped or severely abused, and while it sometimes clears up in days or weeks, ongoing or extreme abuse often lead it to last for years, even forever. So what is ptsd, how do you know you have it, and how can you deal with it? Fear not,...
11 tags
Anonymous said: This blog helps people, you are an inspiration and help a lot of people! I only started dealing with all my very repressed memories after I found this blog. To risk ridicule and post about your memories… its true courage. Selfishly I would ask you to keep this blog up because its so helpful, but you should always do what best helps you to heal. ...
etoilescebrille asked: What u have been doing is an incredible act of courage - it's really inspiring, and though I haven't been in your shoes, I'm sure it's of great help 2 other victims, just 2 know that they're not alone, and it gives them courage 2 talk about it more, which really is helpful to overcoming things of consequence such as depression. It may be inevitable that u have some idiots...
knowledgeappliedispower asked: Your blog is honestly an inspiration, those people are lost human beings if they feel the need to mock you, keep up with what you are doing and try your best to ignore them!
franc0philia asked: This blog is helping many people. If you think any of what has happened to this amazing girl is funny, you're truly fucked up. You know how scary it is to openly speak about this, right? I bet none of you could even imagine being in her shoes, and feeling the pain she's felt, and still does. Could you imagine being in her spot, and trying to tell someone, and the only thing that happens...
8 tags
I’ve gotten a couple of less-than-helpful messages about my posts since last night. I’ve even been openly mocked for being raped on a reblog. This is so scary and hard, and I’m at the point where I wonder if the people who say it’s funny are right and if I should just stop putting myself out there to be hurt by posting this stuff. Is this blog helping you?
fluffyfemme asked: You are so brave to post so openly on here. I really admire you. Stay strong <3
franc0philia asked: You should never, ever feel alone in this. There's always someone that will be there, to care. I know that I always will be. You're never going to be alone.
amy-after-war asked: You are a flawless, wonderful, strong, amazing person & I wish you every happiness after all the trauma & horror you've been through. Even though I do not know you I truly love you and my heart goes out to you. I hope you are in a better place now. I sincerely admire your courage & strength. <3
13 tags
hikikomoriganglife asked: As someone who suffered abuse from my own mother and grandfather, I have a hard time understanding why someone would include the phrase "likes and reblogs are always taken as support" in a post about one's tragic past. I know it is important to feel a sense of solidarity amongst people who may have gone through similar experiences or just to know that you're not alone in the...
14 tags
Someone just harrassed me
Some person who apparently makes a habit of harassing other survivors and lgbt people just reblogged my post My dad told me he’s killed before and responded “Holy shit this is a funny post.”
I blocked him and there’s nothing I can do now, but it hurts to keep encountering psychopaths like the man who prostituted and raped me. I can never feel like they’re really...
browneyednerd asked: I just read your entire blog, and I want to think you for sharing your story and inspiring a friend of mine to share her own.
lyinne asked: (I actually am Lyinne this time :) ) You are very compassionate, brave, and altogether an amazing person for surviving and sharing your story. Also know that (for a fact) your experiences are helping others deal with their abuse (we made a lot of progress!), in ways I can't because I (or most psychologists) have never experienced it. What happened to you is just beyond horrible. I hope you...
ohhsillyllama-deactivated201112 asked: I just stumbled on this... And, I'm crying so hard that I don't think I can finish reading anymore tonight... My heart aches for you and the loss of your childhood and innocence. My heart aches and I just want to give you all the love and support I can and then some. You are an amazing, beautiful person for sharing all this and helping all those who are dealing with the same... You are...
ricciolina asked: I don't mean to ask such an intrusive question, but this thought came suddenly thinking about various documentaries and such on child prostitution... weren't your family members worried about you getting pregnant, since that would be an obvious sign? I'm so sorry this happened to you. My heart and support goes out to you! <3 You have so many followers that genuinely care about...
3 tags
saynathespiffy-deactivated20120 asked: How did you get away from them?
psycho-cunt-deactivated20120305 asked: I'm curious; psychologically, do you think you'll ever "fully recover"? Also, exactly how is your sister dealing with the aftermath of her abuse?
franc0philia asked: I know I've sent you messages before, but I still want to. I just want to let you know that you are so beautiful, in every way. You've helped so many people, and you're an inspiration. You're flawless, in my eyes. Everything will be okay, and if you ever need to talk, I'm here. Have a great night.<3
hold-on-to-reality asked: You know what? You are beautiful. And don't you forget it. You are such an inspiration to be able to talk about what happened. Most people would be too scared or too embarrassed. And I can't say I know what you're going through. But I know you can overcome it. Because you are strong. Every time you look in a mirror I want you to tell yourself that you are worth it. In fact on your...
saynathespiffy-deactivated20120 asked: Shit, I feel bad about that last question. I don't think you're making it up or that you're crazy, it's just that this is so bizarre and horrible I just can't understand how it happened. It sounds like a nightmare or a hallucination. It's beyond horrible.
saynathespiffy-deactivated20120 asked: I don't want to make you feel bad, but some of this stuff just sounds impossible to me. How did no one find out and help you? How did so many of your family turn out to be such horrible people? Do you ever wonder if some of these memories might not be real?
saynathespiffy-deactivated20120 asked: Could anyone else be in danger from your family? Is there anything you can do to stop them from hurting someone else?
saboobnah-deactivated20121204 asked: That'd disgusting. Did you ever report your parents?
elytra asked: Those are some of the best reasons for wanting to leave this earth possible. But I'm glad you survived, because you are a valuable and good person. You deserved worlds better than what you were given. You're inspiring.
saynathespiffy-deactivated20120 asked: Jesus, that's horrible. I'm so sorry and I wish you all the best. I wish there was something I could say or do to help you feel better.
14 tags
My very good reason for attempting suicide
Trigger today as it relates to the familial aspect of rape. Will be triggering if your rapist was a father or father-figure.
I remembered why I tried to kill myself in high school. At 13, I had made a big showing of telling my dad to keep his hands off me, stop selling my body and stop beating me or I’d tell. It actually worked for a few months.
Then, at the start of high school, he raped...
9 tags
Anonymous said: I’ve been sexually abused and I’ve suppressed my memories for a long time. I didn’t think anyone else did that. I thought it was just me. They started to come back when I was 12. But I’ve had nightmares every night since I was 7. Being abused is the worst thing in the world and your blog breaks my heart. But just by you speaking about it shows that you...
12 tags
200 people have heard my story. I feel so liberated. Thank you all for helping me to heal. Progress like I made last night makes speaking out about my experiences as a child prostitute so worthwhile. <3